It's Monday.... Bloody Hell Monday!!

- Watched The Passion (again) with C and Hubs. Cried (again). Left with a heavy heart (again). That scene with Jesus as a little boy tripping on the steps and Mary rushing to his side? That ALWAYS always gets me. As Hubs said, because I'm a MOM now. If this was 7 years ago, when I adamantly said I will never get married and have kids... hehehe... then it wouldn't make any sense to me.
- Cleaned. Cleaned. Cleaned. Cleaned. Cleaned. Hubs went to work on Saturday so the Monster and I were home cleaning. I feel so good. Accomplished (and threw away) so many things. Clutter, I tell yah! Drives me NUTS!!!
- Still discussing how to make extra money with C. I might as well put my Martha Stewart skills to work. No sense in having all of this ideas and not putting it to use.
- Jake waking up with nightmare-esque cries for two nights now. I wonder if he's over-stimulated?
- OK... so I have this issue with the Josephine Bag. Am I the only Josephine walking around with no Louis Vuitton Josephine bag? ** Is this Hubs reading this?** J got a Josephine Bag as one of her 'dowry' for the wedding. E is getting a Josephine bag. I want one too :( ... Ok ok.. I'm happy with my LV Petit Noe.. but as E said, I use and abuse my purse until it's dead.. then time to get a new one. Is my purse dead yet?

Too many things going on...

First things first... JAKE IS WALKING!!! He's been talking a couple of steps here and there, but on Wednesday night during the weekly dinner dates with J&C, Jake took 4 steps on his own to the middle of the living room. We all got stunned and when he turned around, that's when he fell on the floor. I was so happy, I rushed to pick him up and started getting emotional :). That's my Jakey ... walking at 1yr 3 days.

Last night, I got to M&D's after work and when I opened the door, C picked Jake up and had him walk towards me. This time, he took more than 4 steps. He was actually walking towards me! I was so excited.. and yes I almost cried again!

My big boy is all grown up. Today is his One year check-up. I wonder how much he weighs now.

OH.. another thing... the news about the Bullseye selling the Blue out... tense around here at work. What happens now? Heck, if the President of the Blue is being hounded by head hunters, then maybe it's time to do something, eh?

Let's wait and see...

Happy Friday and take care of yourselves!

One day at a time...

I was driving to work today and I got bored listening to my cd's and/or the radio so I put in the Il Postino cd. With the emotions I'm going through right now, I almost started tearing up when I heard Pablo Neruda's Tonight I Can Write The Saddest Lines...

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.
Through nights like this one I held her in my arms.
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.
She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes.
Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.
To hear immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to a pasture.
What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is shattered and she is not with me.
This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.
My sight searches for her as though to go to her.
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.
The same night whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.
I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.
Another's. She will be another's. Like my kisses before.
Her voice. Her bright body. Her infinite eyes.
I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is short, forgetting is so long.
Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.
Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her

Sometimes, it makes me question what LOVE really does to people.
If love is meant to be good for us, then why does it hurt us more than anything else?
Cousin J sent out a "question" to all her teeny-bopper friends which struck a cord (especially with what's going on the past days...) ... "Would you rather be with someone who loves you, or someone you love?"But then - if you are with someone, isn't it because you have mutual love for each other?
Maybe not necessarily...
Hubs and I have mutual love, respect and understanding for each other. That I know for sure. The kind of love we both know goes deeper beyond wordly things. Do we even question why or how much we love each other? For us, there is no need. He knows - I know... and for us, that's all that matters.

I've certainly been in the type of relationship in my youth (HA!) where it started as a mutual love, and turned out to be one-sided in the end. As Rupert Everett said on My Best Friend's Wedding... "You are chasing after him, but who is chasing after you?". That one line - certainly holds truth. I fought for something I thought, at that time, was worth fighting for. But the longer I held on, the more I realized "why am I fighting for this with all that I have when I don't feel him doing the same?" Then reality hits and I moved on...

It's easier said than done? Of course it is. Is it going to take a while. Most definitely. The circumstances are also different. My experience wasn't permanent. It was a false definition of what love is. HER experience holds more gravity. It 'was' permanent. There are A LOT more at stake. But then again, as alike as we are, we are two different people. She can forgive easily. It takes me a while. She has much more to think of than herself. I can be selfish at times and think only of myself.

What's going on hurts me more than anything ... because I know how she feels.
The hardest thing to accept is the fact that the person you love is the one who is the most capable of hurting you the most.

At the end of the day, I am thankful Hubs is by my side ... safely ... lovingly.

iloveyou Hubs.

Going through some major emotional stuff right now...
No - not me, but two people that I love and deeply care for...
And the frustrating part is that I'm so limited as to what I can do for them.

Pray.
I guess that's about all I can do and offer them for now.
Pray that over time, things will get better.
Pray that over time, this would all make sense.

But for now, my heart goes out to them.

Times like these make me realize how lucky I am.
--- Thankful for Hubs and the love he gives me.
--- Thankful for the love Hubs and I share.
--- Thankful for Jake and the happiness he brings me and Hubs.
--- Thankful for Family - there's surely nothing like it.
--- Thankful for Bel & Inna's hugs...they are very comforting.

Take care of each other... always.